Sunday, December 2, 2012

A Failed Dream...

My new video series tries hard to capture the feeling of a dream. The more I live and find out about the Alice in Wonderland surreality that hides behind what at first glance seems like normal life, the more I find myself drawn down the rabbit hole.

Art, music, animation, video, snapshots of fleeting fragments of time, pieced together in a collage like fashion becomes a representation of dreams  that seem to take our thoughts and create abstract narratives.

In this story I choose several subjects to interweave, my struggle for money and the predatory nature of debt based banking and usury and how it creates constant conflict with just about everything I (we) encounter in life. People are pretty much denied a place to exist, stand, or sleep without money. We have to rent every space we occupy even temporarily such as a store or a bar stool. If you aren't purchasing one is guilty of loitering.

Our mailbox becomes a dreadful place to visit. The police state grid perpetrating a legal shakedown at every turn. The minimum speed limit of how fast we are expected to go, (or earn) are numbers impossible to keep up with. Our very existence leaves us in the red and labels us as losers.

 this is an embedded link which will play all the parts automatically in chronological order, as I complete and upload them. Below is single links to the videos for those who want to come back and watch over time.

Desperation causes us to enter the end justifies the means philosophy even when we intellectually condemn it. We rationalize what we do for a living while justifying others engaging in services, practices, jobs and careers that are ludicrous in their defiance of true decency and harmony with some sort of natural order. In the end-- do people see a person's actions, skills, talents, and body of work or do they simply see the clothes they wear, the car they drive or the place they live? No need to answer that, the answer is we don't have the time to appreciate the true depth of a person-- for the system is demanding so much from us  that everyone else's life is viewed in short hand. If you are to slow me down, borrow from me, fail to give as much as you take-- I just assume ignore your existence. Whatever your problems are-- swim harder-- your drowning is not my concern, my drowning is my concern. I am speaking of course of what the system demands and how it keeps us from being the generous charitable people most of us would like to be because the pressures divide us.

And yet it is this acceptance of this predatory system that allows the wolves to prey upon us.

My video series seeks to first establish the texture of a deam-like state, then comment on the struggle, illustrate the absurd effort of a person whose art should have value but does not and how an artist's desire to be an artist is an inconvenience to those who simply want to see the green.

The reptile brain is cold and simple. Stalk, kill and feast.

The mammalian brain though is tailor made to be prey, seeking comfort and security and following the herd. Watching as one of us falls into the vicious fangs of this economic predator system as we adjust our horror quickly to another channel. Dismissing the thin ice we all cross daily.

 As an artist who had much to offer I expected success as a believer in the American dream. Only to find it is all about the secret hand shake. An honor among thieves compromise of conscience to be among the wolves and not the sheep.

One has the reptile brain and the other the go along to get along mimicry of the mammal.

Will the flock strike back in coordinated rebellion?

Yes, but only in a dream.


  1. I may slow this down and bring the published video back into the studio for re-editing... Sort of wanting to feel more dream like surrealism... also I bought a new mic and want to recut the voiceovers... It is very hard to want to put forth a sense of decency and yet engage the devilish side of my artistry... it is duality...dichotomy... hypocrisy... schizophrenia in one sense and perhaps even betrayal in another sense... Betrayal to those who want me to stand for a more wholesome message in this world gone nuts with hard core porn... But there is the side of me as an artist that is compelled to use everything I see as material...

    Especially to push the envelope but then what is left that the filth in Hollywood isn't already doing? And after all I want to reflect DREAMS and NIGHTMARES.... I don't know about you but my dreams can be really crazy...wild... sexual...sensual.... frightening.... horrifying.... emotional.... abstract...confusing.... satisfying...funny....sad.... I have woken up laughing and crying.... with major wood...

    So I am wrestling with what I want to do on the X rated side and the side of me that is pretty conservative and not wanting to go too far... I know when films get made that the directors leave the sex and lust on the cutting room floor for an NC17 rating it must kill them to compromise that time and vision and energy to what becomes a choice to be safe on the border of cowardice meets good taste.... So.... I am wavering back and forth.... any suggestions or comments?

  2. There will not be any further episodes for a while. Someone attacked my computer yesterday and in particular my video editing program has gone completely wacky. I can't afford to fix it right now. Maybe a rich person out there will donate to my paypal.

    By the way, I have not smoked pot in many many months and got high two days ago and watched these 4 episodes. And I have to say my work is way more entertaining with a buzz on.

    It is episode number 6 I am alluding to above. It is a 16 minute dream sequence that includes sexual imagery. What I love about it, it is revolutionary for the porn industry. It is what the Beatles were to music. I mean seriously could porn be any lamer?

    What if it had a Pink Floyd The Wall type music and surreal artistic abstract imagery instead? mesmerizing to watch and yet still arousing?

    In all likelihood I won't include it for free on the net because Youtube isn't the place for it, and many other reasons I am wrestling with, so it may be a long lost episode or if I do use any of it I will have to cover it in impressionistic painting type camouflage...

    But to me it is very much part of the money making story, first of all it is footage from a night I was hired to drive a bachelorette party around... so from the get go, it is them being very sexual... but it also ties in with the surreal dreamlike state I am trying to create, and in this society designed by the "Do what thou wilt" Alister Crowley satanists and Luciferian Illuminists, (see the orgy scene in eyes wide shut to ascertain the ideas I am trying to reflect.)

    If you can't tell by now I am a person who tends to get close to the rabbit hole and maybe even stick his head in for a look see, but at the same time I know how quickly it swallows a person whole. This movie, where as I was hired to "trim" marijuana buds for 20 dollars an hour cash, that cash led to casinos, that led to a pound of pot and facing prison... so that is a real life testimonial of how quickly something that feels fairly innocent turns bad....

    As a journalist it makes for great material, as someone who gets bored easily it certainly takes me for a few adrenalin rush walks on the wild side, as someone who seeks to teach through trial and error it certainly lends great credence and authority to a cautionary tale...

    Don't do as I do, do as I say... well... it wasn't meant to be that... It wasn't until around 2002 when I started uncovering the 911 was an inside job truthing movement that I opened up Pandora's box of our satanist rulers whose local chapters assist them right in your neighborhood... if you don't believe me, taunt them a bit by posting their crimes and see what happens...


  3. And these local chapters can have men and women working for the police or military or even gas company or telecommunications companies with access to a great deal of your life. Google "targeted individuals" to see thousands of people who learned the hard way. These are KGB Stasi tactics... KGB, Nazi SS, Sayanim, gaslighting.... stalking.... mind raping bullying to drive people over the edge.... especially in their friends and families eyes... the purpose is to get the victim to complain of crazy stuff so they sound crazy....

    Well with me, it began with a drugging of my drink in a bar and whatever that drug was... a cat would have feared a mouse... then the fun begins... It took me weeks to come down from this drug... but as the years turned into a decade later, I never retreated I just fought harder and more creatively... when the purpose is to shut a person up and they get more vocal... they lay off a bit... but they don't go away...

    Once I took the detour into marijuana and casinos I entered a field of landmines.... I really got off the safer road.... so for the first 42 years of my life I was just a prolific starving artist who almost made it big a couple times, the latter decade became the most creative of all because I suddenly understood reality and surreality simultaneously, the truth of the insanity, and I was fully engaged like a soldier.... soldiers stay sane by compartmentalizing threat and life in their minds.... I did the same thing...

    So although I made mistakes, I can justify all of it with this film and these articles as a media journalist. I am not just covering a wild story I am living it. And since my number one desire was always to be a film maker, entertainer... all I am doing is using all these illustrative bits and pieces to tell a story. My stories however have many dimensions meant to provoke thought.... if I am to tumble down the Alice in Wonderland yellow brick road rabbit hole, I hope to present a travelogue of the thinking process that is unraveled... thus making it useful to others who may find themselves in a similar situation.... Desensitization like everything else is double edged... in some respects over coming fear is good, in other ways losing the fear of a predator will lead you casually and carelessly to its jaws.

  4. and a word about marijuana... as long as a black market is attached to it it is very dangerous. Not only can you end up in prison for competing with the government's monopoly on drug growing and distributing, but people steal and use violence where there is a cash crop to be stolen. I spent 4 seasons in the Northern California mountains and saw people murdered, robbed, beaten and even back home, I saw the same consequences in this tiny city in the midwest.

    We are beginning to see legalization but as long as there are neighboring states, countries and counties that have prohibition you will see the turf wars escalate... more excuse for the cops to stop and worst of all, they will vilify marijuana and it's more useful sister HEMP... which truly is the key to saving the farmers, medicines, foods, textiles and manufacturing here in America.

    Don't be fooled, there is always a hook in the bait... always...