Sunday, September 9, 2012

One Chord Geno





I used to be a lot better at being humble and apologizing myself but the more insane and futile things become the angrier I get and the more unwilling I am to “not” be angry whether I sense my own role in the dispute to be at least partially guilty– knowing that I probably reacted emotionally instead of logically….


In other words the narrow band of tolerance I have when the reaction hits me…. it’s like…. shit…. here we go again…. I attempted to articulate what I feel as well as I can, another person doesn’t get it and it is a huge uphill battle to attempt to put my long history of experience, research and perhaps even unique supernatural confirmation into words to respond….


…thus it is in that moment when I realize the whole of NOT being able to make the case without considerable opposition from someone with uniquely different experiences, let alone dozens or hundreds of people with uniquely different experiences…. so in that narrow band, that first few seconds of reaction… emotionally it sort of floods my body with an adrenalin usually of anger…..

But like I said, there was a time when I was constantly apologizing for being me…. When you are a struggling artist and the entire world judges you on pay check, you start to self loath and be ashamed and in turn are very humble…. my older work demonstrates this though I often couched it in self deprecating humor….


But once I turned the corner on “truthing” and realized how much I and everyone are victims to a con game we cannot win, I started to take an attitude of I am no longer apologizing and in fact I am getting in everyone’s face who dares attempt to put me in my place….


So therefore I became much angrier and more reactionary than I ever had been before…. and in some respects I became stronger and in other respects less gentle…


People say apologizing is a sign of weakness but I always said it is a sign of character and strength and yet in recent years I apologized a lot less… I still do but it is way harder these days…


So… you apologizing when you certainly have no reason to is a sign of strength and character and allows me to say this which is constantly rambling around in my brain.


I used to be very socialistic and leftist liberal but once I understood how in theory capitalism and free enterprise rewards talents, excellent, genius (which it doesn’t due to control freak pimpology) I understood what some people believe….


The reason most all great ideologies don’t work is because of the control freaks that demand your soul in exchange for the opportunity or if you won’t sell your soul they then secretly blacklist you…which I believe happened to me…


BUT


IF


Real free enterprise rewarded excellence then I see how my skills, or an athletes skills, or a great woodworker or chemist or whatever…. should have the chance to market themselves free of control freaks trying to latch themselves on like parasites….


So in other words, people all have strengths in things and weaknesses in things and yet we have come to try and demand everyone treat each other as equal or not better or not special…. and the fact is…. we are special in different ways but we are so busy demanding equality of every thought and space and levels of respect and/or pride…. we fail to see what is uniquely different, special in the other person….perspectives that may actually change us if we just listened for a second…


I know I do it to people but recognizing behavioral patterns is key to doing better…. behavior may well be personality or it may be both good habits and bad habits that is our imprinted impulses…


I sometimes miss the old me but the new me may have gone from justified anger to too far beyond….


occasional validation is quite enough payment at this juncture…


UKDena writes:


I have already spent hours at your blog site and the youtube site.I’m well into the “Making of Madness”. I laughed so hard my dog was trying to dial 911 for me.


*******


funny line and pretty much the grandest reward of all… from time to time people tell me I made them laugh that hard and it is satisfying…


my brother who I have always had a turbulent relationship with says no one has ever made him laugh harder. We won’t speak for over a year and then he will look up one of my videos and piss his pants laughing…


as for being funnier and nicer here…I said it before… people who are trying to be funny all the time are not funny… There is a limit to being a wiseass… it only works when the pressure builds up….


when absurdity is gathering at the lip of the dam…. everyone feels it but when someone goes ahead and gives the dam a kick that’s when the funny is funniest…


reason I like Louis CK so much….


in my earliest years in film school I was writing “airplane” type farce… and I had two teachers who dragged the serious side out of me and convinced me to make humor come out of character and situation….(blame them)


I do not have the passion to be a filmmaker I had at 23… but as a series of events put me further and further from that dream I was still always working in video studios so I consciously played the starving artist like a ralph cramdon or Homer Simpson or Archie Bunker or Rodney Dangerfield…


It didn’t take much to allow my 3 year old son to be brilliant… just a slight lead and he gave me gold…


and what was my trade off? So Hollywood didn’t make me rich and a tabloid story and a drug addict and instead I was able to be with my son and capture moments of gold to either make people spit up a kidney laughing or capture moments that help us to embrace life…


Life really is precious and maybe I am some sort of a manipulative bastard but I know I have the ability to capture emotional triggers that take people places… including myself… my son heard constantly from his mother and her side of the family I was worthless and that isn’t what he was experiencing so that was incredibly confusing to him…. and all these years later he watched One Chord Geno on youtube and loved it and realized how much of what was said wasn’t true when the video isolated action…. love and lessons caught as exhibit A….




1 comment:

  1. My revolution... my choice of weapon is my humanity.... because it is your humanity too... our humanity is what the seemingly non human use against us.... they make us hate ourselves and wish we were something other than ourselves.... they make us apologize, grovel, pretend to be something else, lie to ourselves and everyone else, to live in shame, to be afraid to confront THEM because we have been made afraid that the light will turn on us.... embarrassment is a much deadlier weapon than it should be....

    So effing what.... we make fools of ourselves.... hiding from our flaws and our mistakes is locking ourselves up.... surrendering our own courage in exchange for cowardice.... bowing.... kissing the feet of those who know perfectly well they are frauds but know the secret.... their charade makes us believe they deserve all the wealth and power and we don't....

    So this isn't about me, it is about all of us doing two things..... we need to try and minimize the things we do that we would be ashamed for our friends and family to find out.... and we must realize we do make mistakes and we all make mistakes and to not inflate those mistakes beyond their actual importance...

    We might along our life do something like shop lift or steal.... and if caught be humiliated.... we may be habitual thieves who deserve to be caught or the rare moment we cannot really explain, maybe we were desperate or hungry, maybe an odd impulse or desire to possess took over.... Maybe we all have demons around us and within trying hard to ruin us.... who knows....

    But very few of us and perhaps none of us have not had moments we regret and would be ashamed of...

    It is the difference that the degree of crime and the habitual patterns point to something bigger.... what that is I cannot say but there are people I have known who are seemingly mentally ill or possessed by something that keeps taking them further down the hole...

    Often drugs and addiction or the desire for what they don't have or what they feel might temporarily ease the pain or hole in their souls...

    But when speaking of degree... The families that have targted everyone else for centuries are nothing more than crack addicts whose humanity has left them for the constant fix... their ability to feel all of life and not just the need to control.... that need to feed the monkey on their back.....

    There but for the Grace of God go I....

    There were times I could have gotten sucked deeper down the flaming tunnels to the inferno of self torment.... but I was lucky enough to somehow avoid what could have wrapped me in its web...

    And it is not me.... it is the person who is lucky enough to not be the worst of me....

    and the demonstration of this is my flag.... a flag one hopes to always fly with a sense of understanding that flags are only symbols and what they symbolize is reality....

    Our reality is the sum of all the parts that are our existance.... not the version we want people to believe...

    and yet our visibility is reflected in our fruit.... our friends, family, works, accomplishments and deeds....

    and even those can be counterfeit... it is truly knwing the difference that matters no matter how hard it is to own up to....

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