Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Slow News Day Volume 3





I see you're up...HAHAHAHA... When you asked me to set the alarm I knew you would be expecting one of those sissy digital clocks....HAHAHAHA... not the old fashioned -- five alarm fire -- brass balls blaster... HAHAHAHA...that's what you get for being too drunk to drive home... HAHAHAHA...Feel free to toast a pop tart on your way out... HAHAHAHAHA.... 


CAVE MEN WITH TRAVEL
VISAS DECLARE WAR ON USA

Cave dwelling men from a humid rocky country declared war on America and pledged to blow up Condoleeza Rice. Which made them hungry for Condoleeza Rice a spicy Mediterranean dish prepared with chicken hearts and accented with curry, paprika, and baked on a rock in plain scorching daylight. After dinner they got on an airplane where they were welcomed into America, issued an alias, gun, box cutter and a map of well insured buildings. The immigration office and INS put their hands over their eyes and counted to ten yelling for them to, “GO!”  The cave dwelling men enrolled in flight school but told the flight school instructor they were only interested in serving coffee, tea, and nuts. Florida and Texas who figure prominently in all insane things issued a statement on Brown skin people. “Brown skin people must declare their intentions before taking a step in any direction. DNA samples will be appreciated and help with yard work.”

The Cave Dwelling men were last seen on public access on a show called 12 steps for terrorists…Step one admit you have a bomb. The cave dwelling men declared on the seldom watched channel that they would be blowing up something big, big, big…But were waiting for the CIA to tell them what, when and where. They also stated that an undisclosed harem of virgins would be waiting in a Swiss bank account after they blew up Condoleeza Rice. Which made them hungry for Condoleeza Rice again and “bomb something angry” that Dominoes didn’t have Condoleeza rice as a topping.







CULT ABDUCTS CULT
OREGON-Cult-- Children of the six-sided skinheaded pentagram Nazi's abducted Cult of the 12-dotheaded Satanic Comet hoppers. Experts say they are now twice as crazy.




5 letter word for prostitute...Obama...
4 letter word... What Americans and Gynecologists
are tired of looking at...Bush...
Magic Carpet Ride... Begins with an H... ends with a Y...
7 letters... 


SCIENTISTS VOW TO FUCK WITH TIME

NEW MEXICO- Vowing to somehow some way mess with time scientists gathered to discuss the possibilities of just really screwing the world up so bad that things would change second to second because people going back in time would destroy history as we know it and replace it with a sort of constant channel changing that would drive us as mad as them.



Okay, dialing in 540AM for more information...




TITANIC RAISED HITS ICEBERG AND SINKS!

"Yay." The crew screamed. "Aww" They moaned. Of all the darned luck cited as cause.


FOREIGN CORRESPONDENT SORRY NO SPEAKA DA LANGUAGE

CNN Foreign correspondent Mike Smith who questions why he got this assignment found himself red faced as he interviewed a group of foreigners about something big but he wasn't quite sure what that big thing was. He tried to refer to a little pocket language dictionary but by the time he found the right page the big news was old news and the group of foreigners had to catch a bus full of goats.



Never go to a strip club in a Dairy state...



NEXT WEEK!

INTERNET-HOW SAFE IS IT FOR PERVERTS? A look at perpetual humping and our porn experts are going to count how many naked bodies are on the internet. For the first time we will have an accurate count of naked people. Presently we have counted 667 million but we still have the baltic states and Russia to go yet.

Divinity Students hit Daytona for week of abstinence: Special report from our Church Ladies on the beat, next week.

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