Monday, November 7, 2011

Come Fly With Me...


That movie the fly scared the heck out of me...what if they really could turn people into flies...? You know they’d use the technology to make money...Summer jobs available...they’d turn out of work college kids into little flying annoying salesmen... 


Fly United! 


The Newspaper ad would read SALES! Like to fly...? Earn big bucks...Go to apply and a man with a big fly head explains...It’s a great summer job...you don’t have to shower or shave...we send you door to door...window to window...house to house selling a variety of products... aerosols...flyswatters...newspaper subscriptions...The best approach we have found in our one million years in business...is to get in the house and use the buzz word...that word is...well...buzz...fly by their ears and go buzz...buzz...It will motivate them to buy our product...If they have our product...get them to use it up...and then leave ...and not through a closed window...you just look stupid...




Your salesfly handbook states in bold print...in our 1 million years in the business...no fly has ever achieved physical osmosis through glass...it can’t be done...use the door...frosted glass ceiling light shades...are a great place to hide if someones trying to kill you...but there is no ozone layer between you and that 60 watt bulb...dehydration is one of our biggest problems...we lose alot of perfectly good wings that way...hence the 20 dollar wing deposit... you’ll get back at the end of the summer...spiders...if a spider tries to get you to come inside his web to show you our product..it’s a trick...lazy  creeps like to order in...well we can’t all work from the home some of us have to go out into the world...12 year old boys...they are the only things on earth fast enough to catch a fly in mid-air...then they think it’s fun to bounce you off the floor and watch you walk around the house with amnesia...who am I...what am I...where am I...shag carpeting is a bitch...




and we don’t care what you do on your own time but don’t be crawling around on dog poop and coming back to the office...we know...we can tell...okay...we offer the aerodynamic fly immobilizer at competitive prices...we never want to hear you refer to it as a flyswatter...and if you should see hundreds of flys congregating on a strip of sweet smelling paper...it’s not a sales convention...it’s fly paper...know your product!!!


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