Thursday, November 10, 2011

Christmas Conspiracy

NORTH POLE – A very frustrated Santa stuck his foot through a bass drum and punched his fist through a wall when his over-worked and over-wrought elves failed to produce virtual reality interactive video games, instead falling way short with wood they nailed to some spare tin and put wheels on.

“What’s this?!?” Santa exclaimed incredulously.

“The best we could do with our tools and materials.” Though frightened of Santa and his temper, the elves defended their work.

“This wooden tin thing with wheels isn’t even close,” Santa bellowed in disbelief.

“Let’s see you do better,” an elf cried from the back of the room. Santa eyed his helpers and fought back the urge to start throwing them around.

The Wiser Man...

“Look, I told you this was coming. You’ve had a full year to attend technical college. What did you do? Most of you spent the summer lying around and watching soap operas. I’m deeply disappointed in your initiative and ingenuity.”

“What did you do all summer fat man?” Another elf screamed.

Santa was irate, but he knew it was by far too late in the year to fire or kill any of the elves so he just turned, stormed out the room, and slammed the door, cursing profanely.

“Wow,” an elf commented.

“Wow is right, that seemed so real.” Another elf was really impressed.

“I call it ‘Santa goes ballistic’,” the elf said proudly of his invention.

“Should we show him?”

“No, let’s play a practical joke on him. Let’s tell him we can’t create virtual reality with wood and rubber mallets.”

“How do you think I got these images . . . I hid a video camera holograph video imager inside the wooden tin thing with wheels and caught the real Santa in action.”

“Say, can that thing simulate us working?”

“I don’t see why not.”

“I like the way you think.”

“We escape tonight; pass it on.”


  1. This is shaping up to be the worst Christmas ever…and I have said that every year since Santa shot my dog…

    All I want for Christmas this year is someone to bribe the judge or smuggle me out of the country…

    Too much time is really really dangerous…I answered an ad for snuff film actors…

    I took up knitting and got so mad I stabbed my cat for pulling on the ball of yarn…
    I went to a 12 step meeting today and told them, “hi I’m Geno and who will lend me 10 bucks so I can get a box of wine?”

    The mailman sort of hung around being nice today like I was going to give him a Christmas gift of cash…I told him…Get a job!

  2. Hope it has been proven that many people have rewritten the Bible and if men are involved, self serving deceipt is involved…

    Therefore I take the belief in Jesus to the personal spiritual level where he can know my heart….

    And as a result I believe I know his….

    He doesn’t want people treating his life or words like rigid speed limit signs enforced by state troopers with big boots…

    He doesn’t need people like that to carry his water…

    He needs humble sincere people to lead by example and not force feed anyone.

    He needs people to be introduced to the concept that he is real and talking to him may work.

    And in the individual’s life there will come a day when nothing else seems to be working and they ask him and use his name in that prayer and at that moment is is all him…and he shows that person he can do miracles.

    People reject him because they are shouted at by Christians trying to bully him into people’s hearts and minds…there are scriptures that say that that is a sin.

    Let go and let god…

  3. Onward Christian Soldiers is as scary a concept as any… I certainly don’t want fanatics with guns telling me believe this or die…

    On the other hand I loathe the Satanists for their cowardly approach of slithering in the shadows and doing harm to individuals and large groups and snickering about it…These people don’t believe in fair fights (if such a thing exists) they believe in lying to get what they want and they get off on the suffering…

    Then of course I am far from thrilled by both the World Jews and the Zionist Jews for one can read their own writing and names on every TV and film to know they DO control the media and Publishing and they DO shovel cabalistic illminatism down our throats…

    Then of course we have the Vatican who shouldn’t be allowed near children or any sort of teaching for that matter.

    I tend to see most other religions regardless of population as underdogs and therefore cut them slack for the time being.

    As I have stated I pray, I use the J word because it seems to work and other than that I tell my brother, you can believe 100% but you can’t know 100%…I don’t think a supreme entity would require non supreme beings to engage is blind faith or else…

    The 100% rule is another reason all these ET and other worldly links sort of rub me the wrong way…Like to see things for "coitan" to quote Curly of the Three Stooges.

    However given this world chock full of angry fanatics feeling slighted or led to believe they are chosen or victims or whatever– it is a tinderbox…